64th | hadriel inbox

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leave a message for a little of my time.

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What do you mean?

I died.

I've died. It's fucked up.

Yeah. It is.

How did you deal with it?

[Seel was excellent at pretending. Actually working through things? Not so much. He was still angry that his first boyfriend dumped him at 13.]

When I died at home or when I died here?

Either one.

You died back home? I'm sorry.

I was ready to die at home. In a way, it was what I wanted. I was angry but it was better than the alternatives.

Does that make sense?

Yes, it does. I'm not sure it helps though. Are you still angry?

Not specifically about being dead. About the circumstances. I deserved better.

Are you angry about dying?

I'm angry about a lot of things I didn't think I was angry about. Dying, that my life wasn't what I thought it would be, that I've been used by almost everyhar imaginable.

Like it's all been bottled inside and suddenly it's exploded and spilled out all these issues you didn't know you had?

Yeah, that's it exactly.

I feel like that sometimes. It's scary, isn't it?

Very. Pretending is so much easier.

It all comes out eventually. You can't keep it all inside forever. And if you try it'll kill you from the inside out.

So just...what? let it out? stop pretending?

I wouldn't recommend just letting it out anywhere and everywhere, no. but it'd be good to talk about or.... I don't know, write in a journal if you don't feel like talking?

I think I'd prefer to hit things but....maybe I could try talking.

You might as well try the non-violent method first.

I suppose so. Thanks Cash.

Do you want to tell me about it?

Tell you what? How I stupidly left home when I was thirteen to run away with my boyfriend and ended up surrounded by monsters? How I stupidly trusted him and he abandoned me?

Let's talk about how he killed my best friend and I had to clean up the mess and the body? How about how I got stuck here and killed for no reason? And the only one I fucking called was him.

[Yes Cash. Seel is 58 and still upset about his first boyfriend dumping him at 12.]

Do you think your life would have gone differently if you hadn't run away with him?

Very. I'd probably be dead. But that doesn't mean I forgive him.

You don't have to forgive, but you can't let it weigh you down forever.

(no subject)

dreamsallotted - 2018-05-11 14:52 (UTC) - Expand

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