[ she nods. she understands. it must be a terrible burden to carry
those secrets, to be the survivor. ] I was never going to have a
happy ending. This - here - that's my happy ending.
[ she sniffs and shakes her head against the images that continue to flicker through her mind. ] You should be here and you should enjoy everything this place has to offer.
[ it takes time, not descending into another fit of hers. deep breaths sometimes help, as well as the grounding force of her friends and loved ones being safe here. the feel of her dog's fur, finnick's presence in this grand house without him actually having to be here. ]
[ she's not sure how Annie will take this, but she thinks maybe it will help. at the least, it's context for everything that happened in the Games. ]
Me and Gloss knew we weren't going to win. We planned not to. But there was a lot to live up to, you know? Our parents - they're proud of us. No one else has two victors for children. So we decided we'd get as far as we could and if one of us made a mistake or got into something we couldn't get out of that the other one would find a way to end things while still making our parents proud. [ because as difficult as their relationship to their parents has been, they own them that at least. ]
It's shitty to know we don't get out but it's what we wanted if we couldn't get out together.
[ a defeatist approach isn't something annie is quick to judge, not when the odds are stacked against them all. the capitol once held all the cards, pushed all the buttons with no regard for the lives of other human beings. they were meant to follow blindly, like herded sheep. ]
Not everyone knew about their plans – Finnick, Haymitch, Johanna and everyone. I didn't know. Katniss hadn't either.
[ Cash tills her head, considering this for a long moment. the twins joined hands with the other victors in a final act of defiance at the interviews, but would they have been willing to risk everything for the unknown that is District 13? ]
I imagine we were a risky choice. [ she hasn't fully decided how that makes her feel. had they played their roles of Capitol sweethearts too well? did the others believe that One was really that loyal to the Capitol? ] We've never lived without each other. Except those couple minutes at the beginning. It felt better to have a guaranteed outcome than to think i'd spend my life without him.
[ it's strange to think about being dead at home when she doesn't even have memories of going into the arena. she wonders, briefly, how far she made it before pushing that thought away. ] It's hard to let go of the past, isn't it?
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[ she nods. she understands. it must be a terrible burden to carry those secrets, to be the survivor. ] I was never going to have a happy ending. This - here - that's my happy ending.
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Can I tell you something? About home.
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Tell me.
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Me and Gloss knew we weren't going to win. We planned not to. But there was a lot to live up to, you know? Our parents - they're proud of us. No one else has two victors for children. So we decided we'd get as far as we could and if one of us made a mistake or got into something we couldn't get out of that the other one would find a way to end things while still making our parents proud. [ because as difficult as their relationship to their parents has been, they own them that at least. ]
It's shitty to know we don't get out but it's what we wanted if we couldn't get out together.
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[ a defeatist approach isn't something annie is quick to judge, not when the odds are stacked against them all. the capitol once held all the cards, pushed all the buttons with no regard for the lives of other human beings. they were meant to follow blindly, like herded sheep. ]
Not everyone knew about their plans – Finnick, Haymitch, Johanna and everyone. I didn't know. Katniss hadn't either.
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I imagine we were a risky choice. [ she hasn't fully decided how that makes her feel. had they played their roles of Capitol sweethearts too well? did the others believe that One was really that loyal to the Capitol? ] We've never lived without each other. Except those couple minutes at the beginning. It felt better to have a guaranteed outcome than to think i'd spend my life without him.
[ it's strange to think about being dead at home when she doesn't even have memories of going into the arena. she wonders, briefly, how far she made it before pushing that thought away. ] It's hard to let go of the past, isn't it?